Pip: Stay isn't very good at getting ready for Christmas. He's (it's a he now. He just looks like a he) got no arms or paws to speak of, no oppose-able thumbs to plug in the Christmas lights. I on the other hand have a very important part to play. I have to make sure that the tree goes in the right place.
The humans had this silly idea this year for putting the tree in another room. I told them to stop being so silly and to leave the tree as is. It's not too difficult, is it?
I'm now watching proceedings as Mum plugs in those Christmas lights with those handy oppose-able thumbs of hers. The tree itself is in exactly the right place, in front of a window for all to see come the darkness of night time. At least, I hope they see it. We are quite far away from the road, but I'm sure the humans will stop their cars on the busy main road to gape at our marvellous tree.
Stay clicks at me as Mum flicks the switch. Oh look, here come the lights...
Mum, I and Stay all watch as the grey tree blends into different shades of grey, flickering as they go. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to see in colour. Must be nice. Mum squeals something about 'circles' and 'bokeh' and then Stay clicks again.
I am the self-employed tree inspector, so I have a closer look at their handiwork.
Yes, this tree looks to be in working order. Something about 'Fido Optics' makes the tree work. Of course I knew that. I'm the tree inspector. Mum and Stay try a few ideas for pictures with the lights off. None of them work and Mum gets up off the floor and walks over to the light switch. While she is doing this, I make a B-line for the unguarded box of doggy treats. I use a paw to tip them over, but none fall out, so I stare at it with distaste until Mum gets back.
Now that the lights are on, Mum says she has a better chance at getting a photo of me with the tree.
"Hey, Pip, over here," she says, pointing to a part of the floor. I move into position like the good dog I am. "Over here." I move again. "There, Pip." Yet again and with growing boredom, I move to the allocated area. "Ah, that's a good girl."
Stay has been clicking the whole time, but he soon stops when Mum's happy. And I get treats, so I'm happy too. Before we leave for a torch-lit walk, Mum turns off the lights again so we can see what the tree looks like.
I think humans will stop their cars to see that, don't you?